The Escalation of the TD Celebration

 

It’s time to face facts. Cameron Crowe is solely to blame for Stevie Johnson’s actions on Sunday.

I know, I know.  You’re thinking: “How can a homely looking guy like Cameron Crowe……be to blame for every outrageous, over-the-top TD celebration that the world has witnessed since 1996?” But, it is true. He made Rod Tidwell’s TD celebration in Jerry Maguire so incredible, that to this day it remains an unattainable goal that all NFL Wide Receivers can only aspire to. Watch:

 

Since 1996 we’ve seen:

  • Terrell Owens pull a sharpie out of his sock, sign the football and give it to a fan
  • Joe Horn pull a cell phone out of the field goal post padding and make a faux phone call
  • Terrell Owens triumphantly stand in the center of “The Star” in Cowboys Stadium as a member of the 49ers TWICE in the same game
  • Randy Moss moon the crowd
  • Chad Johnson propose to a cheerleader and do a bunch of other stupid stuff

So to pretend to shoot yourself, as one of your peers did, and then turn yourself into a Jet that crashes to the ground, just seems like a natural evolution of things.

And even though Bob Costas was mighty cranky about the escalation of TD celebrations, the Monday Night Football crew at the time liked Tidwell’s deplorable and selfish antics just fine. Frank Gifford says he doesn’t even care if Rod gets flagged–AND Gifford is over 100 years old!

So until Stevie Johnson or anyone else can pull off a step-for-step re-creation of Rod Tidwell’s celebration, INCLUDING pretending to be knocked out for AT LEAST 2 minutes prior… I don’t want to hear about it.

 

IN ROD WE TRUST!

 

 

 Disclaimer: This article was written by someone who owns a replica #85 Rod Tidwell Jersey

Jacksonville, we hardly knew ye

“Don’t worry, I’M A LIMO DRIVER!”

 

Jacksonville Development #1

On August 9th, I predicted Jack Del Rio would be canned after Week 7. Again on October 14th, I gave him “a few weeks” before he was out of a head coaching job. Well he managed to make it all the way to Week 12. Congratulations and Thank You! It was fun handicapping your incompetence.

Did you know that in an attempt to motivate his team during his rookie coaching season, Del Rio preached the idea of: If you want to win in the NFL, you’ve got to “Keep Choppin’ Wood.” The thought was by “keeping after it”, small steps would add up to allow them to conquer huge obstacles. He took it as far as putting an axe and an oak tree stump in the Jaguars Locker Room.

Guess what?  While the rest of the team was “Choppin’ Wood”, attending a team meeting, Del Rio’s Pro Bowl punter. Chris Hanson, managed to almost chop off his foot.

Good work Jack. Its amazing it only took them 9 more years to fire you. I guess your stellar 69-73 coaching record really kept Jaguars owner Wayne Weaver on the edge of his tarp covered seat.

Jacksonville Development #2

Speaking of Wayne Weaver, he decided to sell the Jags today. I guess now I’ll never inherit the Jacksonville Jaguars from my fake Uncle Wayne. He apparently would rather sell the team for $760 Million versus give it to me. Well, you just bought a really crappy team in a city that doesn’t care about Pro Football. Shahid Khan, I feel for you…


Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. But give me a break. Just save us the drama, slap that Chaka Khan album cover art onto the side of a helmet and start playing your games in Los Angeles starting this Sunday. There’s no way he’s keeping that team in Jacksonville. And I don’t want to hear about any type of reported written agreement to keep the team in Northeast Florida. How and why the 47th TV Market in the US ever got an NFL Expansion Team in the first place was always a mystery to me. It looks like they finally “fixed the glitch.”

And just in time for Christmas, now I get three wonderful gifts:

  1. The opportunity to obsess over re-aligning the NFL divisions
  2. The chance to read every fake leak, rumor and theory about possible L.A. team names
  3. The ability to create horrible sketches of new L.A. uniform designs. You’re going to love these!

Goodbye fair Jacksonville. You were gone so soon.

Stevie Johnson did what?!?!?



By the way people are talking, you would think Stevie Johnson ACTUALLY pulled out a real gun and shot himself and then caused a real plane to crash.  It was a touchdown dance not the State of the Union address. Even Plaxico said: “I’ve seen worse, I’ve heard worse.” He went to actual prison for shooting himself so I will take his word for it.

If you don’t want people to mock you, don’t shoot yourself. And I’m not mad at Stevie for the celebration or the penalty, I’m mad at him for dropping a wide open pass over the middle that would have won the game. But you can’t blame Stevie, this is historically a very bad weekend for him:

November 27, 2011

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

November 28, 2010

So complain all you want about him, but the sad reality is that this probably seals the deal on Stevie’s time in Buffalo. He’s a quality talent and a free agent after this season. No doubt he will demand a fortune on the open market. I’ll be shocked if the Bills shell out mucho bucks required to keep him. Another talent and personality come and gone. Hopefully the Bills will get to play him on November 25, 2012 where as history shows, he’ll drop the potential game-winning pass to lose the game for his new team.

Jimmy (Ndamukong Suh) cracked corn (stomped on a guy) and I don’t care…


It’s football. I’m sure worse things occurred at the bottom of the pile on Thursday than this. When I start my new Spring Pro Football League–actions like this will earn a stern warning. “Hey, C’mon man, that’s not cool. If you do that again I’ll have to toss you out of here!” It’s not like it was a stomp to a helmetless face like in the 2nd clip below. I’ll toss you out on the first attempt of that for sure. So you stay classy Ndamukong and you keep playing hard.

Suh Stomp Video:

Haynesworth Stomp Video: (Ejectable offense)

The Orton Effect–The most powerful force in the NFL

Who would have though that the most important development in the 2011 NFL Season would be the release of Kyle Orton? How will the acquisition of one bearded man affect the 2011 NFL Playoffs race? Lets take a look:

Kansas City Chiefs  At 4-6 they still have an outside shot at the AFC West.  They are only two games behind Oakland and the Chiefs already beat Oakland in Oakland this year 28-0. But with Tyler Palko filling in for the injured Matt Cassell they didn’t have a chance.  The Chiefs were a 2010 playoff team and signing Orton to be their QB could really help them make a run. After watching Palko on Monday Night Football last week, I actually think the NFL made the Chiefs sign Orton as to not expose the nation to anymore of his mulletted awfulness. Luckily for us, the Chiefs play in Primetime again in Week 12, so we’ll know really soon if the Orton experiment is going to work or not.

KC Orton Effect: Positiive

 

Denver Broncos: So its all or nothing for Denver with Tim Tebow now. I actually think it will be “nothing” at the end of the year.  He’s just not a John Elway type of QB. If Elway can land a Matt Barkley, Landry Jones or Andrew Luck in the draft they would be much better off in the long-run than they are with Doug Flutie 2.0.

No way on Andrew Luck you say?!?!?!?!?!  Well please let me remind you about another highly coveted Stanford Quarterback who was drafted by the Colts, refused to play for them, and forced them to trade him to Denver  The year was 1983 and that Stanford QB was …John Elway. Don’t think old horse face isn’t thinking about it right now:

Denver Orton Effect: Possibly Positive

 

Chicago Bears:  Much like the Chiefs, the Bears also have a shot at the playoffs this year AND an injured starting QB. Orton has played in Chicago before and it would have been a good match.  The Bears knew this too and went as far as putting in a waiver claim for him. BUT, they didn’t get him. Therefore:

Chicago Orton Effect: Negative

 

Oakland Raiders: When Matt Cassell went down, the Raiders were sitting pretty in 1st Place in the AFC West.  They had a two game lead in the division, and the one team in the division that whipped them at home now had to start Tyler Palko. Now that the Chiefs have a competent starting Quarterback again, it could spell trouble for the Raiders.  They still need to play KC again in KC, and could quickly see their lead in the AFC West slip away.

Oakland Orton Effect: Negative

 

Dallas Cowboys: The Cowboys also put in a waiver claim for Orton.  Jerry Jones and his face know if Tony Romo goes down this season, John Kitna isn’t taking them anywhere.  BUT he knows Orton could still get the job done. Or maybe Jerry Jones recently found this picture of Kitna and was freaked out as much as I was. YIKES! I’ve never been more thankful to see a Seahawks helmet.

The Cowboys 6-4 record at the time of the claim was 2 wins better than Kansas City, so for now they still need to be on the lookout for a quality backup QB. Preferably a fully clothed one.

Dallas Orton Effect: Negative

 

Rest of the NFL: If they don’t win the AFC West it’s unlikely that KC will have a shot at any of the AFC Wildcard spots, so its AFC West or nothing for them. And since they are an AFC team they’ll have a minimal effect on the NFC side of the coin. So we’re going to call it:

Rest of the NFL Orton Effect: TBD. But who knows. Maybe the Chiefs run the table and destroy Tom Brady and Rex Ryan in consecutive playoff weeks and go on to beat the 16-0 Packers to win it all. Or maybe not.  I guess that’s why we’ll have to watch the games. I love football!

 

If the NFL season ended today–Week 8

If the season ended today, I’d almost be Ok with it.  I was able to see just less than half of a full season and the playoffs would be returning to Orchard Park. Plus I wouldn’t be forced to endure any more horrendous Monday Night Football match-ups.  Would you really miss not seeing Jacksonville, Seattle and St.Louis in primetime? I wouldn’t. Here’s what the NFL Playoffs and 2012 NFL Draft #1 pick would look like:

Seed #1
AFC North Champion
1st Rd Bye
  • 6-2
  • Wins Division vs. Ravens via record
  • Wins #1 Seed vs. Bills via record
Seed #2
AFC East Champion
1st Rd Bye
  • 5-2
  • Wins Division vs. Patriots via head-to-head
  • Wins #2 Seed vs. Texans via record
Seed #3
AFC South Champion
Hosts Wildcard #2
  • 5-3
  • Wins Division vs. Titans via record
  • Wins #3 Seed vs. Chiefs via record
Seed #4
AFC West Champion
Hosts Wildcard #1
  • 4-3
  • Wins Division vs. Raiders & Chargers via head-to-head
Seed #5
Wildcard #1
Visits Seed #4
  • 5-2
  • Wins Wildcard #1 vs. Ravens via Win % in common games (Jax 1-0)
  • Wins Wildcard #1 vs. Patriots via Conference Win % (.800)
Seed #6
Wildcard #2
Visits Seed #3
  • 5-2
  • Wins Wildcard #2 vs. Ravens via Conference Win % (.667)

 

Seed #1
NFC North Champion
1st Rd Bye
  • 7-0
  • Wins Division vs. Lions via record
  • Wins Seed #1 vs. 49ers via record
Seed #2
NFC West Champion
1st Rd Bye
  • 6-1
  • Wins Division vs. Seahawks via record
  • Wins #2 Seed vs. Giants and Saints via record
Seed #3
NFC East Champion
Hosts Wildcard #2
  • 5-2
  • Wins Division vs. Cowboys via record
  • Wins #3 Seed vs. Saints via record
Seed #4
NFC South Champion
Hosts Wildcard #1
  • 5-3
  • Wins Division vs. Buccaneers via record
Seed #5
Wildcard #1
Visits Seed #4
  • 6-2
  • Wins Wildcard #1 vs. Buccaneers, Bears, Falcons via record
Seed #6
Wildcard #2
Visits Seed #3
  • 4-3
  • Wins Wildcard #2 vs. Buccaneers via head-to-head (Buccaneers advance over Falcons in NFC South due to head-to-head)

 

And with a pathetic 0-8 record the #1 Pick in the 2012 NFL Draft still goes to the Indianapolis Colts. I wonder how long before Peyton Manning makes it a priority to get back on the field?:

 

Courtesy: Stampedeblue.com 

NFL Tiebreaking Procedures

The six postseason participants from each conference are seeded as follows:

  1. The division champion with the best record.
  2. The division champion with the second-best record.
  3. The division champion with the third-best record.
  4. The division champion with the fourth-best record.
  5. The Wild Card club with the best record.
  6. The Wild Card club with the second-best record.

The following procedures will be used to break standings ties for postseason playoffs and to determine regular-season schedules.

NOTE: Tie games count as one-half win and one-half loss for both clubs.

TO BREAK A TIE WITHIN A DIVISION

If, at the end of the regular season, two or more clubs in the same division finish with identical won-lost-tied percentages, the following steps will be taken until a champion is determined.

Two Clubs

  1. Head-to-head (best won-lost-tied percentage in games between the clubs).
  2. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the division.
  3. Best won-lost-tied percentage in common games.
  4. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the conference.
  5. Strength of victory.
  6. Strength of schedule.
  7. Best combined ranking among conference teams in points scored and points allowed.
  8. Best combined ranking among all teams in points scored and points allowed.
  9. Best net points in common games.
  10. Best net points in all games.
  11. Best net touchdowns in all games.
  12. Coin toss

Three or More Clubs

(Note: If two clubs remain tied after third or other clubs are eliminated during any step, tie breaker reverts to step 1 of the two-club format).

  1. Head-to-head (best won-lost-tied percentage in games among the clubs).
  2. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the division.
  3. Best won-lost-tied percentage in common games.
  4. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the conference.
  5. Strength of victory.
  6. Strength of schedule.
  7. Best combined ranking among conference teams in points scored and points allowed.
  8. Best combined ranking among all teams in points scored and points allowed.
  9. Best net points in common games.
  10. Best net points in all games.
  11. Best net touchdowns in all games.
  12. Coin toss

TO BREAK A TIE FOR THE WILD-CARD TEAM

If it is necessary to break ties to determine the two Wild-Card clubs from each conference, the following steps will be taken.

  1. If the tied clubs are from the same division, apply division tie breaker.
  2. If the tied clubs are from different divisions, apply the following steps.

Two Clubs

  1. Head-to-head, if applicable.
  2. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the conference.
  3. Best won-lost-tied percentage in common games, minimum of four.
  4. Strength of victory.
  5. Strength of schedule.
  6. Best combined ranking among conference teams in points scored and points allowed.
  7. Best combined ranking among all teams in points scored and points allowed.
  8. Best net points in conference games.
  9. Best net points in all games.
  10. Best net touchdowns in all games.
  11. Coin toss.

Three or More Clubs

(Note: If two clubs remain tied after third or other clubs are eliminated, tie breaker reverts to step 1 of applicable two-club format.)

  1. Apply division tie breaker to eliminate all but the highest ranked club in each division prior to proceeding to step 2. The original seeding within a division upon application of the division tie breaker remains the same for all subsequent applications of the procedure that are necessary to identify the two Wild-Card participants.
  2. Head-to-head sweep. (Applicable only if one club has defeated each of the others or if one club has lost to each of the others.)
  3. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the conference.
  4. Best won-lost-tied percentage in common games, minimum of four.
  5. Strength of victory.
  6. Strength of schedule.
  7. Best combined ranking among conference teams in points scored and points allowed.
  8. Best combined ranking among all teams in points scored and points allowed.
  9. Best net points in conference games.
  10. Best net points in all games.
  11. Best net touchdowns in all games.
  12. Coin toss

When the first Wild-Card team has been identified, the procedure is repeated to name the second Wild-Card, i.e., eliminate all but the highest-ranked club in each division prior to proceeding to step 2. In situations where three or more teams from the same division are involved in the procedure, the original seeding of the teams remains the same for subsequent applications of the tie breaker if the top-ranked team in that division qualifies for a Wild-Card berth.

OTHER TIE-BREAKING PROCEDURES

  1. Only one club advances to the playoffs in any tie-breaking step. Remaining tied clubs revert to the first step of the applicable division or Wild Card tie-breakers. As an example, if two clubs remain tied in any tie-breaker step after all other clubs have been eliminated, the procedure reverts to Step 1 of the two-club format to determine the winner. When one club wins the tiebreaker, all other clubs revert to Step 1 of the applicable two-club or three-club format.
  2. In comparing records against common opponents among tied teams, the best won-lost-tied percentage is the deciding factor, since teams may have played an unequal number of games.
  3. To determine home-field priority among division-titlists, apply Wild Card tie-breakers.
  4. To determine home-field priority for Wild Card qualifiers, apply division tie-breakers (if teams are from the same division) or Wild Card tiebreakers (if teams are from different divisions).
  5. To determine the best combined ranking among conference teams in points scored and points allowed, add a team’s position in the two categories, and the lowest score wins. For example, if Team A is first in points scored and second in points allowed, its combined ranking is “3.” If Team B is third in points scored and first in points allowed, its combined ranking is “4.” Team A then wins the tiebreaker. If two teams are tied for a position, both teams are awarded the ranking as if they held it solely. For example, if Team A and Team B are tied for first in points scored, each team is assigned a ranking of “1” in that category, and if Team C is third, its ranking will still be “3.”